Crystal quotes of the day #6 (Pregnancy Edition)

Yep, time for some CRYSTAL QUOTES OF THE DAY again. You can read all about it HERE. and you can read the last few "Pregnancy Editions" specifically HERE & HERE.

hope they make you laugh... they make me laugh at least :)

Crystal was complaining 1 day about how this pregnancy was making her butt bigger, fat, whatever... & my default positivity kicked in. i can't help it. the optimism took over and i said:

Me: "it's ok, just be thankful u have a butt."

Crystal: (giving me the look like I just said the craziest thing in the world & like i'm an idiot) "who doesn't have a butt?!?!?"

touche. good point.

*During pregnancy Crystal was realizing she was going to be the one to be up in the middle of the night all the time... not me. i think i must have offered to trade off nights with her or something...

Crystal: "what are YOU gonna do in middle of the night? do YOU have breast milk the baby can eat?"  

Me: "I've got nipples Focker, can u milk me?"

ok, that one is probably not even funny, but it was in the moment. :)

*i was talking about how much i was looking forward to playing catch with this kid whenever it arrives and grows up a little bit. we were debating at what age you can play catch & i said i would start early. Crystal, pondering, said...

Crystal: "it's just annoying when they can't catch & stuff."

*about 1 month before Keira was born we were at a Piggly Wiggly at the beach & i think Crystal was eying one of those awful Piggly Wiggly t-shirts that say "i'm big on the pig."

Crystal: “I guess it’s not really appropriate for me to wear the PIG shirt now?"
Me: "I don’t know if it’s EVER appropriate for ANYONE to wear that stupid shirt."

hopefully somebody found these funny.

if not, at least we make each other laugh & that's all i care about.

i have some really funny ones to post soon :)  even a "Jesus" edition!

Crystal quotes of the day #5 (break down pregnancy edition)

yep, Crystal quotes of the day are back.
the funniest and most popular seem to be the "pregnancy edition" quotes, of which there have been 2. you can read them HERE and HERE.

and i still have more "pregnancy edition" quotes saved up for later. really good ones :)

and i guess today can be considered a "pregnancy edition" as well because Crystal was pregnant when all these quotes took place... but add to that the fact that our car had just broken down.

*i think this took place about 1 week before Keira was born! we had just left our home & were headed out on a date. we were on I-77 about 3 miles from home when the car broke down under a bridge... and here are all the gloriously funny quotes i recorded for your laughter and mine.


    in the 1st moments of realizing we were broken down Crystal says:

CRYSTAL:  "How are we going to get home?"

ME:             "Walk? You know this is just rich people problems, right?"

CRYSTAL:  "Won't be rich people problems after we pay for this."

    i was trying to make the best of our sucky situation while we waited for the tow truck/wrecker - after deciding against walking :) it was supposed to be date night so i was trying to make the best of it... i said:

ME:             "There is nobody i would rather be broke down under a bridge with than you."

CRYSTAL:  (SIGH) "Me too... (THINKING)... except maybe somebody who could fix the car right away... But then I would trade you back."

ME:            (laughing out loud for a while in appreciation of her honesty that only a pregnant Crystal can speak with)

there were probably a lot more quotes that night but i can't even remember them now. i probably didn't write them down. maybe Crystal can remember when i ask her?

of course, we ended up waiting under that bridge for hours. but it was all good... turned about to be a fun date night after all.

crystal quotes of the day #4 (another pregnancy edition)

You can read about my idea for these "Crystal Quotes of the Day" HERE.
enjoy installment #4 below... all quotes from when Crystal was pregnant:

*We just weren't able to fit comfortably on the couch anymore like we used to and Crystal said:
Crystal:   “there’s just a lot more of me to fit”

*We were just chillin out on the beach...

me:          “I’m gonna roll over on my stomach” 

Crystal:    “yeah, I’m gonna lay on my stomach next year.”

*we were taking a walk & i had just casually mentioned someone being my hero...

Crystal:    (indignant!) "WHAT!!?? I’m not your hero!?? I BETTER be your hero after I push a kid out my hoo ha for you!"

crystal quotes of the day #3

you can read the 1st "Crystal quotes of the day (pregnancy edition)" HERE.

today's "Crystal quote of the day" is a little bit more of a conversation that went like this:

Crystal:  "Can I have an advance on the baby clothes budget?"

Me:         "What do you mean? like you want next month's money this month?"

Crystal:  "Yes."

Me:         "OK, but you realize if you spend all of next month's money this month there will be none for this month."

Crystal:  "What? No, I want an advance so that I can spend the money for next month AND have that amount for next month too."

Me:         "That's not an advance... that's just extra money."

Crystal:  "Well, whatever you want to call it then. You say tomato, i say tomahto."

Crystal quote of the day #2

here's what Crystal said to me just a few minutes ago that had me cracking up:

"My next husband is gonna be rich. That's for sure."

well. i guess he might as well be.

crystal quotes of the day (pregnancy edition)

my wife is straight up, no doubt about it, flipping hilarious.

daily she says stuff that cracks me up so hard i have to stop whatever i'm doing just to laugh. she's just being raw & real... usually not necessarily trying to be funny... she's just funny.

so, lately i've been trying to write that kind of stuff down. if i can, i've actually been trying to Tweet it or post it to Facebook or something, but that's only 1% of the time... maybe.

And half of the funny stuff would just be inappropriate to put out there on the world wide web. not bad by any means... just not appropriate, although i WISH i could blog about it because it is so funny.

for the other 50% of the funny stuff, i'm gonna give it a go to post it here regularly. i'm introducing a new segment on the ol' blog called "Crystal Quotes of the Day". it may not be something she said that particular day, but it's the funny quote or quotes i'm choosing to share that day.

and of course, sense of humor is always relative. we say to each other all the time "at least we make each other laugh". and i'm thankful for that. but what i think is funny, others may not find all that funny. oh well.

i actually started writing the quotes down when Crystal was pregnant... something with pregnancy made her say more funny stuff :)  BUT i couldn't Tweet it at the time because we still hadn't told anyone we were pregnant yet. so FINALLY i get to share some of this stuff.

without further adieu, i give you the very 1st Crystal quotes of the day... all from when she was pregnant:

*after eating at Olive Garden i turned around for 2 seconds and when i looked back my mint on the table was gone:
me:         "Did you eat my mint?"
Crystal:  "I mean, I ate a mint and the baby had one, so I guess the waiter just didn't bring you one."

*David Beckham was on TV & Crystal made some comment about his hotness:
me:         "You think he would make a better Baby Daddy than me, don't you?"
Crystal:   (reassuringly) "He wouldn't make a better Baby Daddy. He would make a better story."

*Last St. Patrick's Day:
Crystal:   "Let's go to a pub crawl. The baby wants beer."

*1 day when the pregnancy was having some ill effects on Crystal:
Crystal:   "After all this, this baby better be frickin' cute!"

*1 conversation when she was about 7-8 months pregnant & it ("pregnancy") had really taken full control of her emotions:
me:         "Why don't you leave and come back when you have a better attitude?"
Crystal:  "Why don't YOU leave and come back when I have a better attitude?"


not the same reading them as hearing them, but i hope they make you laugh like they did me!