"the biggest killer of relationships is busy"

i think i heard the quote a little differently, but i simplified it to this:

"the biggest killer of relationships is busy."

Kendra Fleming is a really great leader i've respected for several years. i've always valued any conversations or time i've been able to spend with her and always learn a lot. when she said this last week i thought it was a great bottom line summary of what our lives often look like.

"busy" is our enemy.

and we're always busy.

but you can't begin, cultivate, deepen, restore, or even ENJOY relationships in the middle of busy.

no, you need margin to do that.

i need less busy and more margin. 

and i'm getting there.

because relationships are more important than busy.

busy sucks.

busy is the enemy.

relationships are our friends. literally :)

and when we look back on life 20 years from now & 40 years from now i am CONVINCED...

relationships will make us smile

and 

busy will make us frown (or maybe even cry)

relationships will be our greatest memories

and 

busy will be our greatest regret

   

cheers

my guess is that today (happy 4th of July, btw) many people will be raising a glass and declaring "Cheers" to a friend or 2.

have you ever wondered WHY we do that? where did that custom come from?
if so, then read on... or if you've never wondered, but now i've got you curious... just keep reading.

i heard the explanation from my friend Andrew. Andrew is pictured below on the far right of the pic below and his sweet wife Catherine is on my right in the pic. (Andrew Guuru is the Kenya Director for 410 Bridge and i'm privileged to call him my friend.)

Crystal and i got to know Andrew in Kenya working with Karima which is a community he works directly with. This pic was actually in his home near Karima.

Then a couple weeks later Crystal and i were living in the Havilla Children's Home a couple hours away and Andrew came to visit us twice! it was definitely awesome to see a familiar face. even though we had just met Andrew a few weeks earlier, it felt like we had known him a lot longer.

Andrew came over and we played soccer with a lot of the boys at the children's home... but of course we had tea together 1st... as Kenyans always do during a visit.

i think i must have said "cheers" or something like that or we maybe bumped glasses? Andrew asked if i knew where that custom came from... so here's the story.

when someone came over for a visit and their friend served them something to drink there was always a suspicion that their drink could be poisoned in order to kill their "friend". \
not cool.

Apparently this happened a lot, so to keep the host honest the guest would always clang his glass to the glass of his host so that some of his beverage sloshed out into the glass of his host. if the host drank then the guest figured his drink was not poisoned and he could trust his friend.

but then the custom began among GOOD friends who wanted to display trust. if i came to your house and TRUSTED you 100% then i would gently bump my glass to yours NOT letting any slosh into your glass and simply say "CHEERS" showing my absolute trust for you, my friend. trusting that you didn't poison my drink and i'll drink up without any worries.

so, Andrew and i bumped our glasses that day--careful not to let any slosh out into each other's glass--and said "Cheers".

i hope we get to do that again one day. i'm sure we probably will.

my newest experiment

i have lots of little experiments i try from time to time. i've probably written about a few before.

my newest experiment is more than an experiment. it's more than just a temporary project. my goal is for it to become a way of life for me.

it started with a simple question:
what if i could make someone's day every day? what if i could leverage my life and my interactions with other people to make their day with a tiny, simple act of kindness. what if my kindness, my smile, my words... could (even momentarily) lift another person out of their sadness, stress, boredom, or seemingly crappy life? what if i could give a glimmer of hope?

the experiment for me has been with strangers. people i bump into every day. people i rub shoulders with, mainly when they're at work.
People who work places where their job doesn't require them to win me over. Places like McDonald's. they don't need to be nice to me (and they're usually not) because they've already won me over.

(but when i go with my wife to Destination Maternity they are all being overly [probably in a fake way] NICE... because their commission depends on it. my experiment doesn't work quite as well there.)

but what if i could walk into a McDonald's and leave it better than when i walked in. what if i could make 1 person's day who is working there. They're in the middle of an 8 hour shift and dreading the next 4 hours. what if i could somehow put a smile on their face and make the next 4 hours more enjoyable for them? or at least the next 5 minutes while i'm there.

it's more than possible. i'm having fun doing it.

and when it happens. in that little space, in that little portion of time... it's like there is such love and kindness that the Kingdom of God has broken through. it's a holy moment in the Chipotle.
The Revolution has come to the UPS store or the bank.

it's pretty fun.
in order to do this i have learned that i must set aside my stresses and my worries to focus on doling out love and kindness to them. i have to set aside my agenda... or really, this project becomes my agenda.

so, it's just one little addition to The Revolution. but it's the Kingdom nonetheless. turning a little unkindness to kindness. a time and space usually reserved for short, curt, rudeness is transformed into joy & love.

i know it doesn't seem "spiritual", but it is. i know it doesn't seem like this could really be part of the Kingdom of God, but it very much is.

it's just a little spark when 1 person does this. but WHAT IF thousands of people were experimenting this way? what if 1 million people were doing this every day all across the world?

well, that's simple. the world would be a very different place.

words women use

(This was originally posted on September 15, 2009.)

Last month Crystal and I were on vacation and ate at Hyman's Seafood in Charleston. While eating my boiled peanuts & waiting on my 3 different fish I picked up this card & read it. It was called "Words Women Use."

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

5 Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. 5 minutes is only 5 minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "Fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it. [She might even say "Go ahead, baby" to make the deception even greater!]

Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's OK
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
A woman is thanking you. Don't question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

So, WHICH OF THESE "WORDS" RING A BELL? ANY STORIES?